Janelle Brown has opened up about the most personal and painful topic anyone could imagine.
On March 4, Janelle and Kody Brown’s son, Garrison, took his own life at the young age of 25 by shooting himself.
Speaking to People magazine this week, Janelle opened up about the terrifying day she found out Garrison was gone… as well as everything she went through leading up to the terrifying moment.
“We had absolutely no idea that he was in that place,” Jenelle told People, adding that “substance abuse” may have likely played a role in his mental state before his death. “But he never expressed any kind of overtly sad emotions.”
According to the official autopsy report, Garrison had a very high blood alcohol level at the time of his suicide.
His roommates also told local police that he had been drinking heavily at the time.
Garrison admitted to having suicidal tendencies in a text message the night before he died … prompting Janelle to ask son Gabe to check on his brother.
Gabe did the same and came near her body.
“He was so fun and so happy,” Janelle also told People about where her son was right before his death. “He had a career that he was excited about. He had his own life, he had friends.”
Authorities have ruled Garrison’s death a “suicide,” proving that no one can ever know for sure what’s going on in another person’s universe.
Janelle told People magazine that she and her family members “never had any idea it would happen this way,” adding that there were no obvious warning signs.
He said that toward the end of his life, Garrison had reached out to relatives, adopted a cat and was “really excited” about his career prospects.
“We were actually negotiating. She had all the resources she could have needed,” the Sister Wives star says now. “It was really a shock. We never expected it.”
Brown added:
“I really thought that, ‘Okay, maybe he’s finally starting to get his momentum.’ It’s hard to find your way in your twenties. And I was really excited, so it was a big shock … because there were no signs.”
Kody Brown hasn’t said much about his son’s death, while there was reportedly an incident during his funeral that caused tension in the family.
In the end, Janelle visibly breaks down.
But she also doesn’t know what she could have done to avoid this tragedy.
“It wasn’t just due to a lack of love or a lack of anything else,” she says.
“And all I can think about is… we always ask ourselves if we could have done something else, but I don’t know,” she adds. “I think that’s a grief trap because I think at the end of the day, everyone is responsible for their own actions and their own decisions. But we did everything we could.”
“We really did everything we could. And unfortunately, sometimes [that] Still, this is not enough.”
Sister Wives Season 19 returns Sunday, September 15 at 10/9c on TLC.