It doesn’t get more American than the Super Bowl.
People in other countries who were out of curiosity last night were probably surprised to see Eagles head coach Nick Siriani cry patriotic tears as Chris Stapleton’s national anthem got us all high on a little drug called ‘Merica.
And then there was the halftime show, in which a pregnant Rihanna hovering 100 feet above the 50-yard line issued musical threats to the b-tch who owes him his money.
Sure, RiRi is from Barbados, but the moment was as American as shooting a bald eagle with an AK47.
In fact, we didn’t think last night could get any more American — until Donald Trump arrived on the scene and turned Americanism up to 11.
After all, nothing sums up life in America in 2023 quite like shouting ignorant opinions on social media and literally turning everything into a divisive political issue.
The former president is still banned from Twitter, but he continues to spew hate on his Truth Social platform.
“EPIC FAIL: Rihanna gave, without question, the worst halftime show in Super Bowl history,” Trump said.
“This after insulting more than half of our country, which is already in serious decline, with his foul and abusive language,” he continued.
“Plus, so much for her ‘stylist.'”
The comments were sadly shocking, 1. because this is Donald Trump, and he’s been saying the craziest sh-t to the internet for as long as the internet exists, and 2. because he’s been obsessing over Rihanna for a while .
“She would be nothing without her ‘stylist’,” Trump wrote on TruthSocial last week.
“Bad everything, and no talent!”
Trump appears to have been incensed by comments made by former White House doctor Ronnie Jackson, who alleged that Rihanna spray-painted “F-ck Donald Trump” on a car in Amarillo, Texas in 2020.
For a man who has always been accused of being sloppy and easily triggered, Donald is certainly troubled by an alleged incident three years ago.
But that’s no reason to bash Rihanna’s halftime show, which most viewers consider to be one of the most solid big sports performances in recent years.
The problem with Trump’s latest condemnation is that it is predictable.
We knew he hated Rihanna, so we knew he was going to hate her halftime show.
The better move would be to throw us a curveball, like when he randomly praised Biden’s State of the Union speech.
Trump is going to need this kind of chaotic energy if we want to capture the youth vote in ’24!
Look, if “DeSantimonious” is any indication, Trump’s nickname game isn’t what it used to be.
The boy has to do something to show he still has juice left in his tank, and posting a video of himself twerking to “Umbrella” while sporting RiRi’s red jumpsuit might be just the ticket.
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